insensitive, indifferent, intelligent ,intriguing, inconsolable, indescribable.

Honey taste sweeter than Vinegar.

2010-04-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

Havoc happened at work as usual.

Conflict arose, and I swear I played no part in starting it.

Its one of those days when you're happily running the daily work routines, and some sorely unhappy soul approaches you and blasts you with her negative energy.

Words become harsh, and issues become personal. Shit happens, all the time.
So it lit my fuse, and started my dynamite. Kaboom, someone got hurt. Ego wise, not physically. =)

So at least I myself clear that I didn't spark the unhappiness, she just chose a wrong target to blame =)
Its that kind of a situation where women usually lament: "Men are all pigs" , and say it right in the face of a guy.
Or the kind where guys usually assume: "Women are simply gold-diggers" right in the face of a female colleague.

These comments usually are meant to just vent, and perhaps bring about better ego boosting by doing it right in front of the intended party, expecting them to just shun, express disgust, and maybe walk off.

Well, she did it to me, blaming me for her demise on what happened during my OFF day. and she picked the wrong guy to mess with. =)

First, she tried to degrade my qualifications. 2 tries left.
Second, she verbally attacked me in the PANTRY when i was innocently filling up my bottle, by raising her voice at me. Thats 2 items, so no chances left.
You just asked for an Edwin to retaliate verbally. Bad move old girl.

So I began my onslaught back at what she said, with forced courtesy that obviously pissed her off. Next came my series of attacks that caught her dumbfounded. =)

And i brought the whole game to the next level. "The first strike is always the hardest". So i alerted 'management' about my 'assasination' that I tactically fended off in the PANTRY this morning. Office Warfare. Losers Quit.

Then it boiled down to the same old method, the 'Heart to Heart' meeting. and she had to resort to that lousy trick the female species is blessed with. She CRIED.

Old girl cries, young punk made to look like bully. IMMD.
I am the victim here. wow. FML .

And magically, manager popped the desperate question during the meeting.

"So what is your problem now?"
She replies: "I don't know" .

If she didn't know, that means that she didn't have a valid agenda to justify her verbal assault.
With no justification, it meant that she was merely venting.
So, why me, old girl. Do i LooK docile and bulliable?
Again, wrong move old girl. =)

Eventually, the meeting came to an 'amicable' closing. Yeah right.
Usually, the losing party will either concede, or refuse to accept fact, and decide to enter this hyper-delusional state whereby they tell themselves :'I have seen the light'.

Yeah right, the light that shines through from an open window. How bout you embrace it by jumping spreading your wings out of the window?

Miracles happen.
She was asked to help out outside today.
And she came in, with the ultimate smug of someone who swapped sides.
Not genuinely enjoying the 'other side' but just happy that she's not doing the old stuff.
''I loved it outside, its so much more fun than staying in here" .

Wow. That was fast. She just spilled her passion about working behind the scenes to us 2 days ago.

well, winner in loser out. thats an ole rule aint' it?

answers

2010-03-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

my gift, my curse

i always get my answers. to questions that i pose myself with.

eventually, answers become natural. they come naturally with time.

it comes in forms, it can come in ways as well.

it may require self discovery, and sometimes, it throws itself at you.

it may occur as accident, or coincidence. but eventually it comes.

it usually is not what you want, or its not real.

it provides peace of mind, but it brings pain at times.

so.

right now,

i need to know when my answer will come.

how my answer will come.

where will my answer come from.

what will my answer be.

how will my answer be.

answer.

are you there ?

Crossroad

2010-01-30T22:28:00.001-08:00

here i am, once again, at the exact spot in my mind and decision making matrix, behold the mental crossroad.

the lone street sign here says "side with him", "side with her", "be edwin and side no one", and "don't care".

and as usual, i take the route towards 'be edwin and side no one' . ha. i really am who i am eh. .

inside, i can already see the images of what could have exactly happened if i really got the two of them to talk things out right in front of me. and me mediating the situation. should i? i don't know. why should i? i don't know either.

knew him for 9 long years, seen this scene umpteen times. and lost a few friends umpteen times along the way. what more can i say? he's my friend. someone i'm proud to know of. or maybe, not so proud anymore... am i finally wavering? i guess so. someone has decided to bear my curse of being clouded by loyalty and righteouness, which can fail your sight towards so many things.

she was a new friend. but we'll prolly have to erase her soon. and she'll become the next hush hush topic. kinda sad huh? well, i've lived well with it.

thru so many times, so many replays, so many repeats then i realise the truth. not exactly the sharpest of minds i have right? prolly loyalty and righteousness have blinded me deep and long enough. getting rid of these two, have never felt better.

i see the light now. have u?

if u cannot make any sense out of what i'm rambling about, good. cuz its meant for only those who have seen the light in the situation. the countless repeats i've seen, so bad its enough for me to lose faith in my friend whom i'm referring to. sorry L, you are losing me soon.

we'll always be friends tho, we have been for the last few years. if you see this, don't get me wrong, remember, I side no one.

passive abilities

2009-10-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

dreams. are my reality.

i dreamt of something weird. really weird.

i was sitting in a cold place, built out of carved ice, as i vividly rememeber. strangely i felt relieved and safe in that place. i then reached out to touch the walls, and they shone with a faint glow. play too much games?

then i had this urge to look out of the window (which was a nicely shaped hole big enough with a ledge to sit on), and gazed upon a beautiful night sky. it wasn't exactly the starry sky scene. it was more of a sky with grey clouds, yet at the same time stars were present. the stars faintly glowed at random..

then i sat down on the ledge, and i saw the coolest thing in my "room", i had a mini pool.. but not for swimming kind.. it was a small water body... and the water didn't look drinkable.. it was this clear liquid that reflected your image juz like a mirror... and i saw my reflection... i had white hair, and white lips.. so scary rite? and my eyes had this strange light around it...

then .. i woke up.. !!

think i going crazy ar..

blurg...

2009-10-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

gr8! i'm blogging at work... simply cuz i'm swarmed with stuff beyond what i'm paid for!

ain't it fantastic! edwin is such a gr8! wurker! come'on, give him all the small nitty gritty stuff not worth your attention and let him handle it! he'll process it at machine fast lightning speed and zip zap its done!

this moral war is so annoying! arrgh!.. so should i perform here or not? part of me says i should pour heart and soul into what i'm doing, the "zo -sui sui" attitude, but if you put it on the scales with career prospects and the "reality factors (pay, career)", the scales will be tipped towards the reality side...

but asking me to not"zo-sui sui" is somewhat sickening... can't stand the idea of "knowing wad went wrong and choose to live with it".. its so NS.. arrgh...

but then again, when you're involved in all the "beyond jobscope" stuff again.. the warped thought of "$7.4 per hour" juz keeps haunting you!.. then things like "lousy benefits", "second class employee", "no prospects", bah the list can go on and on and on.. and on..

damn, getting 1k+ is kinda not enough for spending comfortably... and capella still owes me my pay... gr8...

please don't stop the rain

2009-10-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

Motivation really comes randomly ..

Just a simple song in yi xiang's car, and it really made my day..
Please don't the rain, by james morrison.. wow.. powerful .. (IMMD! It - Made - My - Day!)

decided to change ... after being down for so long... the old Edwin has gotta appear.. somehow..

gotta start smiling.. gotta start talking.. gotta end the spiral..

new attitude.. awesome ain't it? well, not exactly new la.. its juz the want to be me again..

wanted to change .. but guess i juz can't .. its an Edwin thing.. what ever may come.. take it.. head on!

I'm only a man looking for a dream

2009-05-31T09:04:00.001-07:00

Great taipei trip.. had all squeals and fun everyday.. simply perfect...
a lil disappointed that didn't buy clothes though..

Next stop, Langkawi! plans to celebrate bday there wid July babies like Lennard..
At least I have a plan now. haha.

Things just settled down a bit more, slightly stable life now.. less turbulence..
at least smiles during the day aren't exactly forced... simply hate to do it sometimes..

wow.. heard the Five for fighting song "Superman", today... so nostalgic..
brings back the days when you work or study till damn late, and you finally knock off... sits at the bus stop, staring at the late night traffic pass by, and then you tell yourself.. 'enough for the day' ...

anyway.. cool quote i saw back in new zealand:

"as the area of light increases, so does the circumference of darkness"
einstein.

somehow, i feel this quote. do you?

the days we had, the days to come... ...

2009-04-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

WA LAO EH... ultimate sian eh... fail TP... Of all times the ah soh ride bicycle she had to ride today! next time i see her i'll gun her down... right from my car.. the open - window - gun - point - out - bang! that type ar... Arrgh!!!!

Ok... done with the frustation..
wow.. we had our recent bbq.. everyone's still everyone.. all grown up but one big group still..
since sec1 eh...

and our recent pics... all the wackyness...

cool rite? here's more!

and more more more... more more more.. ok.. juz a few more la.. =)

you're right.. its ICE3... late night ice-cream lover's hangout.

and this is wad i had... "buttercup" awesome butterscotch ice cream.. photo with courtesy of jess.

Next highlight: Taiwan!!! mwahahaha.. mwahahahahahahahahahhaah...

trouble doesn't move in a single file.

2009-03-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

Event after event, catastrophe after catastrophe... when will things turn better for me...

Ever since sec 3, life has been such a downward spiral right ?
recollection:

sent to 3e5: appeal through ms chia for 4e3 fail. landed in last express class
-lost the chance to spend two good years with best friends
-lost the chance to take A maths
-lost the chance to take pure science
-had to suffer embarassment and dignity fracture for 2 long years
-had to live underdog lifestyle for 2 long years
-felt ditched by the school and left to fend for your own for 2 long years

hope arrived in the form of:
-friends, made new friends.
-old friends, support and concern. something which i use to give, and now need.
-courage, the strength to move on
-spirit and purpose, hope of things becoming better
-result, scored well in all exams, weakest subject improved by leaps and bounds

and the downward spiral started again:
-made it into innova
-bad course combi, cuz no pure science background, attributed to sec sch life
-bad class combi, cliquey class, few real friends.
-bad maths teacher, eng kai seng was a piece of trash
-failure, didn't do well for a's, cannot go local uni
-reality, parents facing financial difficulty, no money to go private uni

hope arrived again:
-learnt to take care of myself, ease parents mind, made them feel happier
-learnt to be an example for raymond, to let him be more independent
-enjoyed ns, learning journey, made more friends
-found job, found school, dream come true, going taiwan for holiday.

and, life never fails to ridicule me,
-disappointment, bank loan not approved, financial hurdle for studies
-worry, whether job is stable or not
-fear, of not being able to complete degree impending
-dislike, one of close friend not so close after all, wavelength barrier
-contradiction, suspects i suffer from mild depression, been too hard on myself?
-loss, ability to feel happy, ability to de-stress properly.
-injured, was wrongly treated at work but colleagues don't fully support, perhaps being overtly self concious on my part.
-challenged, working with close friend, who is someone from glam class in sec sch, greatest fear, as they do not understand how the underdog lifestyle feels.
-strained, don't want to lose a friend, so giving-in in any way possible

hope has yet arrived,
-so when will it come?
-will i survive the next time luck decides to play tricks on me again?
-i dun know.

i need
the strength to move on
the will to persevere
the ability to survive
the heart to wait for hope

will life please stop fooling around with me and go on to some1 else?
i might not take the next blow it deals... ... =(

Insensitive

2009-02-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

I really should have known by the time you drove me home
by the strangeness in your eyes, the casual goodbyes,
by the chill in your embrace the expression on your face
maybe you might have, some advice for me, on how to be, insensitive... ...

21 crisis!

2009-01-16T23:07:00.000-08:00

Everyone's turning 21 this year.
That includes me.

What am i gonna do?! I'm so lost for ideas for the first time.
I never ran out of ideas.

Am i gonna throw a party like everyone else? or am i gonna just do what i usually do? silent birthdays.

Birthdays have been a nightmare for me. I hated my own birthdays. They were a reminder of embarassment, permanent emotional scars and so many fuckshit i had to live with.

But it was through all this that i am who and what i am today. Through the embarassment i learnt to grow, to become me, to become independent, to become an individual.

So to him who let me know what jealously is, thanks, you ruined part of my life.

To him who didn't want to befriend me when i was young and left me at the chalet
like a fool, thanks, i'm ok being alone now. I have my friends, i don't need you.

To him who treated me like a third wheel whenever there are family gatherings, thanks, i have my friends and mum and dad and raymond, i don't need your company.

To him who never really doted on me, thanks, you let me felt how bad it is to be unwanted, so i never do that to raymond.

On July 8th this year. Happy birthday Edwin. So much for your happy ending.

Bah, i thought i was through with the emo stuff.

Aftermath

2008-12-26T22:53:00.000-08:00

It was 24th and we were counting down to christmas,
It was 26th and we were counting down to Thomas's birthday
Its gonna be 31st and we'll be counting down to New Year
Its gonna be 11th and we'll be counting down to Yanling's 21st

How many times am I gonna countdown!? Its crazy!
So many commitments, so many friends, so much fun out there.

But, Edwin still relishes the idea of silent quiet countdowns.

Even though its a little boring, but, its really no fun when we have to always worry
about transport, money, food, people, the usual mundane problems. I'm not an angel ... ...

yet... ...

Freedom

2008-12-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

On 111108.I was free again.

But,

When freedom is presented to one who has had it fractured, portioned for 1 yr 10months,
One really need some time to react to it.

It feels alien,

Like its the first time i'm seeing it, even though i vaguely remember what i used to do with it.
Its like recovering from amnesia, slowly.

It is much appreciated,

Like a child given his candy after a long pleading attempt,
But the child will soon know that candy can be easily obtained when he grows up
And learn to not cherish it.

I don't want to lose it again

For i do not wish to go through the process of re-appreciating freedom
For i've never been the sort to waste it.

I've learnt from it

During the time i lost it, i was compensated with friendship and camaraderie.
I substituted it with the sense of duty and responsibility for my men.

I made more out of it

I learnt to stay strong, to not fight
to voice out, to suppress
to hold on, and sometimes,
to let go.

I'll cherish it, like i used to

wow...

2008-02-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

Wow.. this is like a lost blog found. Finally have the mood to blog. Such a move is so Edwinish... haha.. everything see mood.. mood more unpredictable than girls one..
Been so long since i updated this.. Many feeling, many thoughts ... Too much to put down at this moment..

Felt like i've changed my perception about certain things in this game we're all playing called life. Young age ageing? I guess so... Didn't see things the way i did years back... perhaps the amount of time NS has provided me gave me the freedom of will to come to such conclusions... Have I seen the light?? Probably a faint glow of it i guess...

Getting moodier and moodier nowadays... becoming more aloof and cold too... what's really happening to me ... its like puberty all over again.. haha... well... perhaps my ability of analysing personalities and characters have improved, so much that things people try to do don't surprise me anymore... Nothing seems to be of interest lately...

The emotionally strong, boisterous, never say die edwin is fading away... replacing him is currently someone that is more silent, deep thinking, more sensitive, more perceptive.... perhaps more dangerous... for the good or for the bad.. i'll leave it to life to decide...

Hmm... anyway.. Chinese New Year is hear... heheheh... its mahjong marathon again... gotta do a bit of warm up first sia.. too long never touch ehdi....

Army Update!

2007-03-31T05:06:00.001-07:00

Posted to Juliet company! Saw Sergeant Lawrence again... Oh My God! haha... can say lucky can say sway...

Juliet company quite heng ar... not too shiong yet..Seeing golf and hotel train make me feel damn lucky lo... haha... Got quite a lot of SOC trainings.. damn sian ar...

Juliet company is rather fun for now... made LSC two days of enlistment... Met alot of Broncos there... So bonded really quick, and perhaps people that go to SISPEC are people that work better with others... so no bonding problem...

Postings Out! Section Outing! Yeah!

2007-03-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

I'm been posted to SISPEC!... Kenneth, ZhenQuan, Darren are going too... wow... a lil bit don't like the posting... but that's okay.. hope is still present...

Section outing's venue was fantastic... the Turf Club's committee box... way too cool man... all the formality and stuff.. food was wonderful... atmosphere was fun... eye opening experience... Kang's dad and mum showed us alot of things there.. great!

Gonna miss all the bunk mates... had so much fun.. now gonna be seperated by vocation... aww man....

Posting Soon.

2007-03-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Updating my life again. New blog skin finally. New hairstyle. New everything. Even having new friends. Finished BMT, waiting for posting, haha.

Results sucked for me... but didn't regret it anyway... cuz i tried... this feeling's either new, or i'm really numbed by such events in life.. kinda sad huh.. haha..

High time i took a pic of myself bald before hair grows out again.. wanna play hockey really badly... but i think skills are gonna suck big time.. i'm almost forgettin the game itself already..

Missing all my friends out there.. feeling a little lost now.. but it'll be over once i'm kept occupied...

Haven't watch wonderful movies in a while now... the recent ones weren't really nice, except Storm the Yard maybe.. terrific i would say... but 3 stars maybe... something's still missin in the show..

Goin k box later.... well its 2am now.. wonder if i'll wake up in time.. haha... heck it la... getting a lil bored these days.. no spice of love in life.. kinda sad huh... haha..

iTs sum1 you all know eh!!!

2006-10-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

Create Your Own!

I'm Back!!!

2006-10-09T02:43:00.000-07:00

hah! i'm back as a blogger... finally man... found the mood to blog.. so so so long never blog already...

took this in the library...

kinda cool huh?! its taken using mosaic mode in weiting's phone eh... lennard started this idea for me during CNY that time using Raymond's phone... found it really cute to take photo's this way though.... haha

A's coming soon.. yes... coming soon.. its the A's !!! the A's !!! help!!! arRgH!!!! wad am i still doing here!!! no mood to study ar!!! haiya... ( my new fav word) ...

can't wait for the a's to be over man... haha... soon ... sooon....

Insensitive

2006-04-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

fInallY, nO more NAPFA.. i beat someone in NAPFA... i beat myself!!! haha... got a gold first time in my life man... anyways... found the mysterious song that caught my attention that time... so would like to share it with people around me... go to www.radioblogclub.com and search for ' Insensitive' in the search box. Then click on the song by Jann Arden and listen. Here are the lyrics:
How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive

Nice song... really nice song.. even though the lyrics is suppose to be more on the girls side during a thwarted relationship, but if you put the song into a guy's viewpoint i think its really something worth appreciating... so people out there enjoy...

oNe loUsy weeK...

2006-02-21T05:09:00.000-08:00

MAn... tHis is one lousy weEk man... baD headsTarT... MonDay PE accidentally fail 2.4, cuz i ran an extra round.... haha... so dumb la... then kena forfeit, muz run 3 more rounds... in the end, other people run 2.4 i run 4km.... so dumb of me.. but never mind la.. that is so me anyway... haha..

Econs essay test this friday... The topics name not nice... Market Failure.... sounds bad... but die also muz pass it... cuz practice so many essay on market failure already.. die also muz pass... then for maths... intending to smuggle myself into the other lecture group again... juz to run away from that baldy... Mr Goh.. cannot understand him lei.... muz get all the LT1 people to sign petition to change lecturer ar... ...

i NOt sTuPid tOO....

2006-01-31T05:35:00.000-08:00

Juz juz watched the movie... 5 stars... felt that it was better than i thought it would be... has deep meanings to the content... recommend all to watch it soon... reflects how some students really feel at sometimes... especially the one on the Shawn's family... sumthing bout having everything which is actually nothing at all... and the part on Joshua's family bout the boorish dad not knowing how to express his concern for the child... so true sometimes... touching, yet funny at the same time... especially the way they use hokkien... haha... so juvenIles out there.. (including myself), thInk b4 u say... and act... the word think has many meanings to it... penny for your thoughts... and of course , there was another part on the lead feeling lonely... felt like him sometimes... like you know its not your fault that things are happening thisaway, but there's no point blaming others too.. its a terrible feeling... i'll call that feeling helpless.. like u juz can't do something to change the situation no matter how hard you try.. and others around you who wanna offer help are not really sincere, making it feel even worse cuz they dun know the seriousness of the prob.. haha.. sound like some kiddo wid a problematic family... no la.. my family is ok... nothings wrong wid it... really...
so.. to all those youth who are out there... feeling helpless... please dun give up... press on...

jUZ a fEw more hoURs...!!!

2006-01-28T02:51:00.000-08:00

at grandma's house now... jUZ a fEw hOuRs to CNY!!! so exHiLiRated.... hmm, gonna see ting and the rest next week... excited too... so many things for me to be excited about... haha... goin Mr Roy house too.. can see his cute baby... Long time never go Mr Roslan house le... dunno how hez been though... like i care... haha... he was kinda evil to me... biased, real biased.... juz tagged on everytime they went to his house so i cud keep in touch wid my frenz.. he was the one that started to make me feel tat things dun really go fair in life.... anyways.... New Year's Coming, so new beginning... ( jAn 1st was juz a few days ago..) haha.. eVery1. happy happy new year!!!!

CNY approaching!!!

2006-01-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

Haha... CHINESE NEW YEAR COMING!!!! FINALLY!!! HE XING NIAN ZU XING NIAN!!!! so enthu sia... no la... excited bout all the food and stuff.. and the best of all... no SCHOOL!!! so YiPpee...!!! weNt ouT wId cLass 2day... ok la... not too bad... but we all got DiFF sHoPpin sTyLes.. sO mEt wiD a LiL friCtion... aNd thEy sAiD sUmThinG thAt i rEaLLy aM bOtheRed and coNcErnEd bOut... tHey CaLLed Me a BeNg.... wHiCh is A dEgRatoRy tErm to Me... tO me, its juz another word for BeiNg a gAnGSter.... nO maTter hOw i tRy... nO sOuL oUt thEre excePt my BuDdies reAllY kNoW deEp dOwn inSide thaT i aM no BenG... aNd i dOn't LiKe it wHen otHer Ppl cAll us Bengs... nvm.... sMaLL mAtteR... If gOt ppL oUt theRe sTiLl sAy mE BenG.. mEAns i Not TryIng hArd eNuf.. gOtta Try hArdeR... aLreADy tRYiNg hArd thougH... beIng mOre cIvIliZed... aNd evErything doesn'T reAllY seem to help... tHey jUz waNNa cAll u A beng... AnYwAys... bAck to the CNY thingy... cAn gO bAi nIan TogEther AgaiN... sEe aLL the Relative rElaTivE... haha.. so tRaditiOnal.... bUt bEsT oF aLL, cAn gO to FrieNDs hoUse foR a forMaL rEaSoN...!!!!! sO eVerYonE oUt therE... hApPie nEw yEaR!!!!

mUaHahaha!!!

2006-01-23T03:45:00.000-08:00

guEss waD? cNY comIng !!! to Me ... CNY = New Clothes!!! but this year cut down on a lot... juz bought two long sleeve shirts.... a bit adultish... but nevermind... good for a change.. so sick of t-shirts and jeans.... ( i dun usually wear them anyway)... can't wait to wear my CNY clothes... reaLLy wanna buy tHe 99 DollAr bErMS doh... sO cOOl... anyways.. LifE gEttiN a LiL' BeTteR fOr mE in Sch... BeGiNning to Pass 2.4 already... can run 4km at 23min 45 sec today!!! not veh fast, But aCcomplIShMeNt la... sHALL maKan to CelEbRate... iF i dIDn't puke today I wOUlDn'T havE fAiL.... FrIggIn sHIt.... but 45 sec nia, nvm la... ... could feel the WiND toDay... wOOO hOOO.... oH yeah.. even maths and econs don't seEm So sEcary anYMoRe...... cAn't waiT foR pRom thOugh... buT wHo to aSK !!! feEL liKe asKiNg HEr.... ( sOmeoNE cHio in my ScHooL), but i DuncH kNow iF shE aTTached noT.... gOT AnoTher persoN to asK too ( bUT lIke no fUn asKiNG heR) laTer confLicT wiD my otHeR fReN la... hOW!!!??? nVm.... wORse come TO wORst go AlOnE lo... appEar as elIgiBle bAcheLor... haha!!.. no money left in account hoW to eligible... nVm... wiLL let my AccOunt exCeed 10000 someday de... speNdIng too much!!! goTTa cut Down.... nEw yEar resolution... lose wEigHT till .. eerrm.... 54? actually no need la.. my weight's alRite... not Too heAvy,nOt too lIght... can Do , Can Do... hAiz... maybe grow taller by an inch or two... haha.... shaLL try.. shall tRY...

BleAhx....

2006-01-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

Haha.. juz here to update... nOBoDy iS sEeiNg me thEse few days.. i'm invisible!!!!! aAaarrgH!!! joking la.. .. went jog ytd.. ran 6km plus bahx... fun... shiok, but tired .. gotta friggin run under 11 min for 2.4 or i'm done for.. ... helP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MerrY MeRrY cHristMas!!!

2005-12-26T18:03:00.000-08:00

Its ChRIstMas!!! tWo Days aGo thOugh... But the sPirit nEver DieS!!!!

sTiLL hAveN't BougHt sHoes... nO sIZez.... aRrrgH!!!

hOMeworK uNfInisHEd .... I'm DEAD!!!!

tOdaY gOIn For MEaL... yAy!!!

Was SiCK yeSterDay

cLEaNer RooM NOw!!!

gOnna Quit Work.... schoOLz sTartIng!!!

Yay!!!!

wA KaO

2005-12-21T22:53:00.000-08:00

Arrrgh...Juz woke up at my friend's house.... very sleepy.. juz a few hrs from gettin my shoes... excited man... .haha...

Now still kinda paranoic bout my ipod... searches for it for bout every 5 10 mins... juz to make sure that its there.... crazy me... ...

The pastamatrix ppl haven pay me yet.. i so wanna strangle them .. .. .

My money... faster come...

waHaha.... juz more blaHz from me .... .

2005-12-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

Wa kao... almost lost my ipod shuffle... dropped on the car... don't know what i'll do if i really lose it.. might really go crazy... its like my sanity... losing it means going insane...

Went for haircut today... now got new SHORT hair... dun really like it... but i think when it grows long it will look much much better than before ... The hairstylist got sense of fashion la.. not too bad... a bit bengish la...

Haiz... tomorrow finally can get my shoes... day and night dream of having it... but when i get my hands on it i scared i might not cherish it... or maybe over cherish it a bit... haha.. thats so me... scrimp and save, then splurge and splurge... More blahz tomorrow...

The lyrics to the song Tian Hui ( Grey Sky, or Sky Grey, whichever way you like it, haha... )

2005-12-21T01:25:00.000-08:00

S.H.E 天灰

如果你不再出現我的世界還有什麼可貴
可惜不夠時間讓我們試驗什麽叫永遠

想念變成懷念心動變成心碎
偏偏還會關切你最後屬於誰

Chorus:

我的天空今天有一點灰
我的新是個落葉的季節
我不知道如何度過今夜
所有的燈早已全都熄滅

如果你從沒出現我會不會覺得快了一些
可惜殘忍時間縂要把諾言一點點摧毀

Repeat Chorus

sO LoNG sTill dunno...

2005-12-20T09:01:00.000-08:00

Haiz.. haha... hI aLL... sTill dun kNow wAd Is bLoGGin foR, bUt sInce many people doin it.. so muz be kinda fun bahz... feel kinda left out if i dun start bloggin... like some left out alien.. Now working at pasta causeway.. Kinda fun, except still can't really fit into the people there... trying hard though.. can even name some of them here.. : Matthew, Wen Sheng, Pei Ling, Grace, Deborah, Victoria, Emma, Daniel, MeiLing, Ah Yang, Jack, Ricky, Stefani, Yi Tong, Adam, Len, Winson, Colin, Ying Wei ( i think..) , Melvin, Zul, Thomas( this one wun dunno de), Elaine and Guo Rong. Should be all i think? Friendly people there la.. .. all nice nice people.. ..

Enough bout the pasta oredy... hungry now... shit man... got two essay questions haven't attempt.. then gonna skip hockey tomorrow again.. .haha.. slacker me.. so seldom man.... wun see me slack everytime one la.. its just that the psychological test thomas send me result show that i mentally and physically tired, need a break or gonna snap.. I dun really feel tired though.. juz feel that got too many a things undone... too many things i never put in effort... too many things i wanna achieve in this life... too many expectations of my self... too many self contradictions... too many things i cannot let go off...

So i'm just kinda like drifting about , like driftwood la... no aim at all... i just really need a quiet spot in this world.. where no one will notice me.. then i can really let go of everything for once... not death wish though... i find the suicide people very selfish... never think of those around them.. not like me.. think so much about them that i forget to think of myself sometimes... not trying to be great or something.. but just a can't bear to see people suffer when i can actually make a difference...

Found this S.H.E song very nice.. called Tian Hui ( Grey Sky)... very nostalgic that kind.. the slow slow, but not will sleep that kind... kinda sad, kinda relaxes me that kind one... the lyrics i like la... the kind of the helpless helpless kind one... feeling hopeless is kinda like me... but still i can go around showing people that i hold hope high, and want them to do so too... I'm the kind where i dun like to see people who i know fall... even if i have to fall to do so.. and i hate people who enjoy seeing those that never do anything to them fall ... plain assholes... nothing but shit from them... i like to ka chiao this kinda people one... haha... prankster me takes over from then... ...

... ... ... LiFeLeSs ... ... ...

2005-04-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

bLoggiNg afTer 2 years... ... forgot my old blog le... start new one..... hope ya people will lyk it... ... can't find back my old script le.. ... sAd.... .... buT neVer mind la... .. its juz a bLoG.. ... -___-